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I’ll not promise you that I’ll be a good wife or mom, because some days you’ll be coming home and there will be no food on the table because I’m to tired to cook so we will end up ordering chinese or something. Somedays you’ll find a pile of clothes in the laundry room and sometimes you’ll not even see the bedroom floor anymore, because I always throw my clothes on the floor. Someday, when we have kids, they will draw on the walls, because I left them alone for two seconds and you’ll be mad at me or maybe i’ll forget to throw their diapers away and you accidentaly stepped on it. And somedays, you’ll complain because I’m working too much and never have time for myself.
But I can promise you one thing. I’ll always be there for you, your family, and our kids. From now on, it’s not only me, but it’s us. No matter what I do or what I accomplish, I didn’t do it by myself. It’s us from now on. And yes, there is no such thing as a perfect couple. We will have our ups and downs, but remember… Communication is the key for a happy and healthy marriage.
So, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing me that love still exist. Thank you for being the light of my life. I promise to keep enjoying all the little things that makes everyday with you so special.
I love you, Flynn Vasilios.
I love you till death do us apart.
Yours truly,
Pudding.
Three years later in Amman, Jordan
Jill Malik P. O. V
It was a very busy day at the market. It was so hot and I couldn’t stand the bustle. I quickly went to the grocery stand and paid for the groceries. I hurried back to my car and immediately turned on the air-conditioning. I let out an exhausted sigh.
Three years, and I’m still not used to the hot weather. It’s not hot all year round, but when it is I wished I could go back to New York city. I placed the groceries on the passenger seat and headed home. It was a busy day at work, but thank goodness it was Friday.
I drove to the villa I was staying for the past three years. It was a seven bedroom villa that I shared with Ethan and his now wife, Irina. Irina was so sweet and understanding that she let me stay with them.
So much had changed in three years. I flew all the way from New York to Jordan to start a new life. The only people aside from Ethan and Irina that knows where I am are my aunt and Milan. They come visit me during Christmas and Summer. I’m pretty sure Flynn knows where I am too, he just never showed up and I think that’s a good thing. But deep down I wished he did. If he knew where I was, I wished he had at least sent me an apology letter. But he didn’t.
I pulled up into the driveway of the big vanilla colored Villa and grabbed the groceries from the passenger seat. I opened the door and the house was empty. It was always empty during the day. Irina was usually in her bedroom and Ethan was at work. The only time I saw them was in the morning during breakfast and at night during dinner.
Last year Irina asked me to be her maid of honour, but I politely declined. I didn’t showed up to their wedding either, because I just couldn’t. It was painful. The feelings I have for Flynn were still there and I don’t think I will ever love someone as much as I love Flynn. Even after three years, it’s still very painful to think about him.
I actually forgave him, because if I didn’t I don’t think I could live peacefully. What he had done to me was a low blow and even though I told myself that the past will not affect my future. It actually did.
I can’t move on from him.
He’s still in my mind and my heart.
And how much I tell myself that I deserve better than him, it makes me want him more. Nights are torture to me. I can’t sleep without having nightmares about that day. I can’t sleep without thinking about him. There were so many times that I wanted to go back to New York and just throw myself at him. But I know that this time it should be different. I’m not the one that should come crawling back to him. He is.
I walked into the kitchen and placed the groceries in the fridge. Tonight it was my turn to prepare dinner. I walked upstairs to my room to change into comfortable clothes and then I went downstairs to see if I got mail. Aside from beauty magazines, there was a pink envelope with my name on it written in gold ink. I placed the magazines on the table and opened the envelope. When I saw the handwriting inside I almost choked on air. This can’t be true. Not after three years.
Dear Jill,
I’m sorry.
I regret nothing more in life than what I have done to you. It was wrong, stupid and immature and you do not deserve any of the pain I have caused you.
I’ve lost the one girl I’ve ever loved and it was cause of the things I’ve done.
I feel so bad right now, cause I tore your world apart, and now all I can think about is how I broke your heart.
I know I’m three years too late, but I couldn’t find your address. Ethan did a good job of protecting you, it took forever for my detectives to find you.
Please reach out to me when you get the chance and if you want to. I hope you do, because I need you. I seriously need you, pudding.
I don’t know if you have already moved on from me, but I didn’t. I can’t move on from you and I don’t think I ever will. You have my heart and you’ll always have it.
Love always,
Flynn.
I choked back a sob. I had no idea Ethan was protecting me from him. All the time I thought that it was Flynn who didn’t want to reach out to me. I read the letter once again and the tears kept falling down my cheeks. I have missed him. I have missed him so goddamn much.
“Jill? What the hell, why are you crying?”
Ethan entered the kitchen and looked worried between me and the letter. “What is that?” He grabbed the letter out of my hand and his eyes widened as he saw the name on the bottom of the letter. “I’m sorry, Jill.”
I looked up at him. “Why are you apologizing?”
He put the letter back down and sat on the bar stool. “I uhm, decided to stop hiding you from him, because I think he deserves to know by now. It has been three years and it’s about time.”
“I know, I know.” I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. “I don’t know if I’m ready to see him.”
Ethan sighed. “Do it, Jill. He deserves to know. Despite what he has done to you, you can’t keep this away from him.”
At that moment Irina and a three year old girl with brown wavy hair and piercing blue eyes entered the kitchen.
“Amari!” I squatted down and hugged my babygirl. She giggled and hugged me back. “What did you do with aunt Irina today?”
“She made clothes for my dolls. They all have new clothes now.” She said happily. “Right, aunt Rina?”
Irina smiled and nodded.
Amari looked at me. “Why are you crying, mommy?”
I smiled at her and kissed her forehead. “It’s time we’re going to pay your dad a visit.”
Jill Malik P. O. V
Amari wasn’t part of the plan. When I decided to go to Jordan, I didn’t knew that I was pregnant.
After two months, I suddenly got really sick and I started to vomit constantly. I couldn’t eat, because everytime I did it immediately came out again. The idea of me being pregnant didn’t even crossed my mind, because I thought that I was getting really sick because of all the things that had happened.
Irina on the other hand wasn’t really sure about that. She bought a pregnancy test for me and after a lot of ‘you should do it’ I finally decided that maybe she was right. In the end, she was afterall. After visiting the doctor I heard that I was already three and a half months pregnant. The doctor told me that if it wasn’t about all the stress lately, I wouldn’t even become sick.
Ethan suggested that I had to tell Flynn about it, but that time I was still so mad at him. I didn’t forgave him yet and I didn’t wanted to tell him about it, because that meant that he would know where I was. Ethan tried to convince me to call or text Flynn, but I was so stubborn that I just didn’t do it. I told him that I would do it after she was born. “I’ll be ready to face him then.” was my excuse.
When Amari was born, Ethan and Irina told me again to send a picture of her to Flynn. I was planning on doing it, but things got really hectic. Amari suddenly got sick and had to spend a week in the hospital, that I totally forgot about the picture.
And now, three years later Flynn still has no clue that he’s a father.
“Mommy, where’s dad?” Amari walked into my room while I was packing. I smiled at her and took her on my lap.
“He’s in New York, babygirl.”
“Is that far?” she asked as she rubbed her eyes. I played with her hair and nodded. “Yes, far far away.”
Having Amari in my life changed me. She was my little princess. My little ray of sunshine. Her smile and chattering brightened up my day.
“But why is he not here?” she asked innocently. I let out a sigh and kissed her forehead. “You’ll see him in a couple of days, okay. Now, go to aunt Irina and help her with the garden.” Amari jumped out of my lap and ran out of my room.
I let out a sigh as I watch her leave. At moments like these I regret that I have never told Flynn about her. I really wanted him to see her grow up and hear her say first words. Sometimes I questioned myself if I’m the one at fault here. Sometimes I wished I would just hear him out instead of run away. But now there’s no turning back. I already did it and it hurts.
It hurts every day.
Seeing my daughter, who’s an exact replica of him except for her hair, growing up brought memories back every time I looked at her. His smile, his laughter, and the way he looked at me in the morning. So loving and kind. It was like I was his world, his universe.
But god, how was I wrong.
I thought fairytales exist. I thought I was the princess and he my prince charming. I thought our wedding was my happily ever after.
But no.
Fairytales don’t exist.
This is reality and here, in this cruel world, there’s no happily ever after.
…….
“Mommy, are we going to see dad soon?” Amari asked as she tugged on my hand. I held Amari’s hand firmly as I looked out for my driver. A couple hours ago I arrived in New York, Ethan arranged a driver for me to drive me around in New York.
“Yes baby girl. But… Oh there he is. Our driver is here, princess. You’ll see dad soon okay?” I looked at the black sleek car that stopped right in front of me. The door opened and a bald man stepped out.
###Chapter 23
“Miss Malik?” He asked, removing his shades revealing hazel-green eyes. “I’m Todd Collin, you’re personal driver.”
“Hi Todd, Nice to meet you.” I greeted the big headed bald man with hazel green eyes. He didn’t look older than fifty. I wished I had other ways to describe him, but at this moment this was the only description I could come up with. He wore a black suit, the ones personal drivers wear, and he had white gloves on.
I ushered Amari inside and sat down next to her. Todd placed all my suitcases in the trunk and then went back to the passenger seat.
“Do you know the address to the apartment?” I asked when he started the car. He looked through the rear view mirror and nodded his head.
“Yes, I got all the information.” With that he started driving.
Amari looked out of the window and then looked back at me. Her eyes sparkled. “It’s so beautiful, mommy.” She pressed her nose against the window to see all the skyscrapers passing by. “D’you lived here?” She asked in her cute toddler voice.
I found it so cute that she could already talk at the age of two and a half. This year she’s turning three and she could easily pick up words and phrases. I only need to say something once and the next thing I know she’s the one using them.
I took her on my lap and nuzzled my nose in her hair. “I lived here with your dad three years ago.”
“Is three years alot?” She asked and then hold three fingers up. “This is three. Is it a lot, mommy? D’you miss dad?”
“I miss dad everyday, princess. As much as you miss him.” I whispered softly as I stared outside the window. Familiar places where passing by.
Suddenly my chest tightened. Oh god, Ximena.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.
I haven’t talked to Ximena in three years. I had sent my letter of resignation a couple of hours before I left New York, three years ago. Since then, I haven’t heard anything about her. I haven’t even contacted her.
I was still in touch with Reina and Luca though. Reina was expecting a baby girl at the end of this year. At this moment she was craving all kinds of food and poor Luca has to deal with mood swings every second of the day. One moment Reina is all happy and chattery and the next she was bawling her eyes out over some random thing.
“But mommy—,” Amari’s voice woke me up from my thoughts. She was still not done with interrogating me. “Why’id dad never visit me?”
“Baby Girl, that’s because mommy is a meanie.”
She immediately looked up at me with her big blue eyes. “No you’re not.”
I chuckled lightly, but then Amari pointed at something outside. “Cake! Mommy, cake. I want cake!”
I looked outside and saw Eclair Bakery pass by. “Do you want cake, princess?” She eagerly nodded her head. I knew she loved cake, all sorts of cakes. Cupcakes, red velvet, chocolate cake, name it and she will eat it for you.
“Todd, Can you please turn around and stop at Eclair bakery?” I called. Todd turned his head around and nodded. “Of course, Miss Malik.”
“Mommy are w’going to get cake?” Amari asked excitedly. I nodded my head and she immediately hugged me tightly. “Thank you mommy!” she squealed.
I giggled and kissed her cheeks. “Everything for you princess, everything.”
The car stopped at Eclair bakery and Amari and I stepped out. We stepped in the shop and Amari immediately pointed at her favorites. “I want that mommy and that one!” She pointed at the Cheesecake eclair and Macarons.
I chuckled and walked towards the nice lady behind the counter. “Hi, can I please have two Cheesecake eclair and a box of Macarons.”
She smiled kindly at me. “Sure, that will be $17 dollars.”
I pulled out my credit card and handed it to her. Moment later, she returned back with my deserts and credit card. “Enjoy.”
I smiled at her and grabbed Amari by her hand. “Come on, princess. I already bought cake. It’s for after dinner okay?”
She nodded her head and hopped happily next to me. I opened the door to exit the shop and my soul almost left my body.
Right in front of me, a pair of bright blue eyes was staring at me in shock. The one person I haven’t seen in three years.
Flynn.
Flynn Vasilios P. O. V
“Flynn, can you get some cake for me? Please?” Ximena pleaded when I entered her room. Her room was filled with roses, gifts, chocolates, dresses, and makeup.
“Xim, you’re about to get married, can’t you at least wait until after?”
“Come on,” She whined. “I’m really craving it!”
I let out an exasperated sigh and looked at my Cartier watch. There’s still an hour left before the wedding. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and searched for the closest bakery.
“What cake do you want?” I asked, looking up from my phone.
Ximena’s eyes lit up. Of course, it would. It always does when food is involved. “Red velvet!” She said happily. “Thank you so much, big bro.” She walked up to me and hugged me tightly. I’m so happy she’s finally happy and getting married.
“Can I say something?” She whispered, loosening me out of her hug. Her voice turned soft, almost in a whisper.
“What?” I asked as I studied her face that suddenly turned into a sad frown.
“You will not mind, would you?”
“Uh, No. I guess not.” I have a feeling where this is going. I haven’t talked about it.
“I… really wished Jill was her.” She choked back a sob, her eyes filled with tears but she blinked it away immediately not wanting to ruin her makeup. “I miss her, Flynn.”
My chest tightened when I heard her name. It felt like someone was choking me. I couldn’t breath.
I miss her too, lil sis. I miss her too.
Since the day she left, I thought I was slowly dying a painful death. It literally felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest when I came home and saw her engagement ring on the counter, on top of all the Polaroid’s.
The Polaroid’s were wet from her tears and god dammit, I never felt so sick and heartbroken in my entire life.
At that point I realized I lost her.
I wished I had just told her. When I saw the polaroids and the note attached to it, my whole body turned rigid.
Fucking Zoe. She was the one that had send those polaroids to Jill. I mean I would have told her eventually. But it was not supposed to go like that. She was not supposed to run away.
Leaving me behind heartless and in pain.
It wasn’t really long after that when Ximena called, crying on the phone. She couldn’t even speak properly. “Jill signed her resignation letter. Why?!” She sobbed, her cries turning louder.
Oh, I definitely knew why. It all has to do with me.