BREAKING POINT

“Of course you are. Don’t ever think you’re not. I’m just scared, Joey” Penny replied, she dropped the brush she was holding and began to wipe her hands on a towel, suddenly needing to do something… To keep busy, but his intense eyes remained on her, watched her like a hawk.

She felt terrible. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, but she had to tell him so he wouldn’t keep hoping. “I don’t think I’m ready for another relationship just yet. I don’t know if I will ever be. What happened with Jeremy…. It was a lot to take. And asking you to wait for me or leading you on would be the wrong thing to do. Friends don’t do that to each other, and that what we should be… Friends. We have something amazing going on. We might ruin it if we try to make it something more. And I can’t stand the thought of losing you… Or Audrey. I really hope you understand”

“It’s fine” Joey said softly, but in his head he wondered if that was all she was always going to see him as…. A friend. He didn’t just want to be her friend. He was tired of pretending that he didn’t want to be more. Tired of pretending that he didn’t want to kiss her and make love to her. They would be perfect together. Why couldn’t she see that?

They said nothing to each other for a while. It was awkward. The tension in the room rose gradually and when Jeremy finally announced that he was going to his room, all Penny could do was nod. She watched him as he left the room, hands in his pant pockets and when he was gone, for some weird reason she felt like he had taken something of hers with him.

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Penny rose from her bed and rubbed her eyes, then she walked quickly to Howard cot. His cries had woken her up and when she picked him up he didn’t stop crying so she rushed downstairs with him. She didn’t want to wake Audrey or Jeremy up.

She was gradually stopping breastfeeding for Howard, and he didn’t seem to like the change very much. He seemed to prefer his milk to the other foods she was introducing him to. Tonight, he was having none of it. This was the second time he was waking up and crying that night.

She headed for the kitchen, and as she went down the stairs, Howard stopped crying, his sobs turning into little wimps till he finally quiet. He seemed to like that she was moving around while carrying him. Still a little sleepy, Penny grinned.

She noticed that the kitchen light was on. Which was weird because Audrey always made sure to put it off before going to bed.

She walked into the kitchen and saw Joey, with his head in the refrigerator. She didn’t say anything, but just stood watching him. When he straightened and turned around, she saw that he was holding a plate with a slice of cake on it. The one Audrey had made that evening. She grinned at him when she saw the look on his face.

“Audrey is going to kill you” she said playfully as she walked into the kitchen and took a seat. “she made that for tomorrow”

“Well, if she asks I’m just going deny it” Joey replied as he dropped the plate on the table.

Penny rolled her eyes. “Yeah… Good idea” she said sarcastically, then she asked, “Why are you up?”

“Ermmm, I have been studying. I want this promotion at work and I have to study for the exam and interview. Got tired and decided to come down for a midnight snack” He gaze fell on Howard. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yes it is” Penny replied quickly. “Just that Howie was crying and I didn’t want to wake anyone up, so I decided to come here. Didn’t know you would be down here too” She paused then added, “You didn’t tell me you have this big job you were going for”

Joey nodded, “Yeah I didn’t, but I didn’t know about it till three days ago. It just opened up”

Penny said nothing. She didn’t know why… But she felt… Left out. Probably because this was the kind of stuff Joey would have told her about. But then, he didn’t have to tell her about everything going on in his life. They weren’t even together or anything like that.

Joey continued : “Well, since you’re up, would you like to join me?” he took a bite of the cake with a fork, “It’s delicious”

Penny laughed.  “I’m sure it is, but I’m not really hungry.”

“You will take some tea or coffee then?”

She gave it some thought and nodded. “Yeah sure. Thank you” she said.

Joey moved to window and looked outside. “It’s beautiful out there” he said. “So many stars. So relaxing to look at”

He heard Penny chuckle.

“I just love how your mind works” she said softly. “You appreciate everything. No matter how small or ordinary it might seem.”

“Nothing about our universe is ordinary dear” Joey replied.

He turned just in time to see Penny guiding Howard’s gaping mouth to help him latch on to her nipple. She looked up at him that moment and she could feel the way he seemed to freeze for a heartbeat. And then another.

“I…ah…I’ll put the kettle on, shall I? You said you would take what, tea or coffee or something?” Joey asked hastily, avoiding her gaze.

“A cup of tea would be awesome. But don’t let me keep you up, really. It’s the middle of the night and you’ve got work tomorrow. You don’t have to be bothered by me”This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

“I’ve got a day off tomorrow.” He said and filled an electric jug and switched it on and then, without looking in Penny’s direction again, he hurried out of the kitchen, muttering something about wanting to check something in his room.

Anyone would think he’d never seen a woman breastfeeding her baby before, Penny thought. For heaven’s sake…he was a doctor. He must be more than used to the sight of a woman’s breast, not to mention every other part of their anatomy.

Or was he uncomfortable because it was her breast he had glimpsed? She usually breastfed Howard indoors, but  once or twice Joey had seen her do it. He was being ridiculous now. Why was it like this? Because of what he told her before of course, about wanting them to be together. He didn’t want to see her as just a friend anymore.

That thought merged with remnants of desire that were still glowing deep inside and made her toes curl more than a little but Penny was still confused.