Im -perfect

Chapter 8

"What's was that all about ?"asked Selina who fell a step behind me , her tone inquisitive .

"Maybe he is so upset that its messing with his brains "I could only offer her this , Because I knew that there was a trap in laid there , Jacob Knight won't ask me on a date for no reason because I wasn't the girl who will get the guy.

The guy I deserved was most probably someone who will work a 24 *7 job in some stupid boring company not the one who rattles my entire body senses with his gorgeous smile .

And Jacob Knight most certainly falls into the latter category , with his razor sharp jawline sharp enough to cut glass and stormy gray eyes in which a person can practically lose himself.

Selina looked at me ,as if she knew what was going on my mind but thankfully she doesn't say anything to me , good , I don't need her pity .

But down deep down , I couldn't help be disappointed at the giddiness that was enveloping my heart .

Once I reach my home , I drag myself upstairs to my room , fighting my inner demons has sapped my energy .

I felt too tried to even think , part I wished to stop taking the high road and let myself indulge to whatever Jacob has to offer , part I knew that it was wrong , He has made my life in highschool hell from the past two years and I shouldn't ever think about being in such close proximity with him .

"He was joking ; He didn't mean it and you will be a nice little joke if you fall for his tricks "I repeated this mantra over and over again , to stop the monster roaring within .

Once I used to look down on those girls who's eyes will shine with little hearts in them , I rolled my eyes when they claimed they lost their control whenever a cute guy was around and therefore , it was sensible enough for them to make dumb decision .

Turns out I was just like them .

I can still feel it .

His warmth

His breath

His nearness

God.Get a grip.

Turns out Karma really did slap one in the face , For two years , Two years I have been fighting my inner self, repeating it over and over again ; that I didn't like Jacob , nor did I enjoyed the forceful he planted on my lips , on our first encounter .

But

Karma did me good , being this close to him once , rattled mes o badly that I could still hear my heart thumping and I cannot lock my new found awareness about my feelings for Jacob into the darkness of my head as if they don't exist .

I liked him , I fucking Liked him .

"God , I'm screwed "

I buried my face in my hands, I couldn't understand why , just why , why it has to be him ? Just why did my first crush has to be on that guy?

I ate three meals a day

He was someone who counts his calories

I wanted a stable life

He was unpredictable

I had nothing to offer

He had everything .

I felt raw undiluted fear , it was as if someone has stripped me naked , leaving my insecurities to unravel themselves .Its a struggle to breath, how am I supposed to act now, ?

I let my backpack drop on the floor with a' bam’, pressing the play button on my phone ; I fill the void in my space.

Tears barge into my eyes as I snuggle into my bed covers , I didn't dare to think about my feelings or Jacob anymore.

I knew how this was going to end , Guys like him , do not settle for a girl like me , what am I supposed to do ? Go along with whatever he might be planning for the sake of a night pleasure ? Because that's all he will ever want for me, Guys like him goes for girl like Anna ; with barely any fat coveringtheir body and I wasn't desperate enough to let him ruin me like that .

That's right.

He might have been successful in getting inside a teeny tiny part of my heart but it was all upto me , How take care of these unwanted feelings ,Jacob might rule me the entire student body but he won't be ruling me much less my heart .

Today , Just today , I will let my heart cry all it wants for a love it can never have and by tomorrow I will hold head high again , burying my feelings deep where they belong .

I close my eyes and let my tears loose for the love that didn't even get a chance.

I startle awake .

Heat smothering my body , hair sticking to my face and my breast tightening against my shirt .

and that wasn't all.

My hand was resting in between my legs and I felt something sticky on it ...I..was ..wet .

Is it up straight , jerking my hand away .

I didn't even remember what I was supposed to be dreaming about .Why ..what was this reaction ?

I was thankful that I didn't turn the lights on in my room or else I would have seen my face turning red in humiliation.

Parting my lips , I lick my lips wet .

Everything about this should feel wrong but it doesn't infact I'm even surprise to feel the sudden passion rising and falling inside my body .

My heart pounds with nerves and pleasure.

I'm petrified and ashamed.

It's said that dreams shows what a person desires unconsciously but I'm too embarrassed to accept my shameful arousal, the dream was nothing but vague mist but I knew who and what I was dreaming about .

But I wasn't going to admit to it and there is no way in hell I'm gonna do it with Jacob.Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

It was better for me to bury this along with my feelings as well.

Jacob Knight was a depraved bully and no way in hell will I be letting myself indulge in carnal sin.