Tangled Love

CHAPTER 93

“I should probably wait out here," I murmur under my breath, signalling at the chairs outside of Emily's hospital room. Ivory frowns, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Why? What's the problem now T?"

"Jake."

I respond bluntly, looking at her as if it was obvious. She nods slowly before responding, choosing her words carefully.

"He's getting better Tobias. It's not as awkward anymore around you two. He needs us. . . both of us." Ivory gives me a reassuring look and I sigh dramatically —

"Fine but if this goes wrong, I'm blaming you." I joke, poking her in her ribs. She grabs my finger, twisting it forcefully until I yell out, pulling it back towards me.

"Ivory!"

She laughs loudly and I signal her to be quiet, looking around at the disapproving looks we're getting from the other doctors and nurses.

"Ivory, tone it down! This is a hospital, death surrounds us." I whisper loudly, my eyes widening at her playfully. She slaps her hand over her mouth, still giggling behind it and I smile at her —

"Come on, let's go in."

Ivory nods before she knocks on the door and opens it slowly, peeking her head round. I hear Jake's voice and Ivory opens it wider, stepping inside.

"Hey man," I nod towards Jake. He's sat in the exact same spot he was in last week. His eyes are bloodshot, heavy from lack of sleep. To be honest, he looks like death alive.

"Hey," he responds softly, his voice hoarse. I wonder how long he's been crying for. Jake is clutching Emily's hand in his, circling his thumb over the top of her hand repeatedly. Ivory sits in the opposite seat from Jake and I walk over to sit next to her.

"How is she doing?" Ivory asks quietly, the humour from her voice completely disappearing. Jake swallows the lump in his throat, giving her a small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. His voice is empty, holding no emotion whatsoever.

"Sometimes I feel her squeeze my hand. The doctor says it's nothing to be excited about because of her nerves but I feel like it is. Anything is better than nothing."

"Of course it's something to be excited about, she'll be up and about before you know it." Ivory replies softly, leaning over to squeeze his arm. I nod, agreeing with her words before speaking again —

"Yeah she'll be fine, she's tough as nails."

Jake's eyes snap towards mine and I hold my gaze with him, never looking away. I want him to see I'm for him, his eyes looked broken and lifeless. There's only one other time I've seen him like this and it pains me to remember it.

He eventually nods before turning his attention back to Emily. It's not exactly anything to celebrate but I'm hopeful we can repair our relationship.

"Why don't you and Ivory go to the cafe and get something to eat? You look shattered," I tell him, breaking the silence in the room.

"I can stay with her." I add quietly.

Jake looks between Ivory and I and I can tell he's pondering his decision. He finally stands up from the chair, scraping it back —

"I could do with a coffee, are you coming Ivory?" Jake asks and Ivory nods, grabbing her bag from the floor before swinging it over her shoulder.

"We'll be back soon, thanks Tobias." Jake responds, he bends down and places a kiss on Emily's forehead before he turns and heads for the door. My stomach flips from his actions.

What the hell was that? Jealousy?

"Don't mention it." I respond quietly, feeling anger build up inside my chest, anger directed at myself.

"I'll bring you back a coffee," Ivory says before shutting the door softly behind her. My eyes float towards Emily and I stand up, taking the seat closer to her. The machines around her beep steadily and I bite my lip, unsure of what I should do.

"Hey Em," I murmur quietly and immediately feel stupid, as if I'm talking to thin air. She can't hear me. Instead my hand reaches out for hers and I squeeze it lightly. I've never held her hand before and I notice how smooth and soft her skin is. Maybe the fact she can't hear me is a good thing? I clear my throat, looking around nervously. No-one is here to hear me . . . Good.

"I've been thinking a lot about you," I start, my voice coming out timid and quiet. The beeps of the machines are the only thing that respond to my words so I continue . . .

"I know it's wrong Emily but you're all I can think about. How stupid is that? I know you don't feel the same way and yet I'm still acting like this," I breathe out deeply and continue, feeling considerably lighter now my feelings are out. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

"I'm having these stupid feelings that I can't quite figure out yet. Maybe its that I care for you like I care for Ivory. . . Like a sister. Or maybe, maybe it's more than that. . . I just don't know, I'm so confused." I sigh, glancing up to study her face.

Her eyes are closed peacefully, dark eyelashes so long and thick. Her skin looks soft and delicate and my eyes trail down to her lips.

"You're so beautiful," I whisper, squeezing her hand gently. It feels good to say my thoughts out loud and not have anyone listen to them. That means no-one knows they exist and I want it to stay that way, it's safer like that. My thoughts are always wrong, too dark for anyone to work through. I'm always doing the opposite of what I should be doing, rebelling and disappointing everyone. I chuckle quietly at my foolishness.

"I'm an idiot, right? I'll get it over it, whatever it is." I quote stupidly with my free hand.

"Jake loves you, I can see it in his eyes. His eyes always tell the truth and I used to know him better than anyone. When we were little, I'd be able to tell if he stole something of mine or broke something of mine just by looking at his eyes. He'd swear black and blue he never did it but eventually he'd confess because I always knew the truth." I chuckle fondly at the countless memories I have of us as kids.

I feel a pressure in my hand and my gaze snaps down to it, she's squeezing my hand. I know Jake felt it too but it was so surreal to actually be the one to feel her squeezing. The thought suddenly hits me . . .

Can she heard me? Was she listening all along?

My heart drops to the pit of my stomach and my mouth runs dry.

"Emily, can you hear me?" I ask quietly, waiting nervously for her to respond. Moments pass and she doesn't squeeze my hand again. I blow out the breath I'm holding and slump my shoulders in relief . . . That was way too close.

"This is why I'm not open to expressing my feelings, shit comes back to bite me in the ass." I mumble to no-one in particular. The door suddenly opens and Jake walks in holding a tray of coffees. His eyes meet mine before they land on my hand. . .

The one holding Emily's.

I immediately let go of it as if it caught on fire and place it in my lap, sitting up straighter. I notice Jake's jaw clench and I look away from him, focusing my gaze on Ivory. She smiles at me, clearly oblivious to the tense moment Jake and I shared.

"I've got to go, work called." I say quickly to Ivory before dodging around her and heading out the door. As I make my way out of the hospital, I grab the box out of the back of my jeans and pull out a cigarette before lighting it and taking a much needed drag. I instantly relax and my nerves subside. I exhale the smoke and carry on walking, away from the people I call family.

It's a shame I never feel like I fit in with that family. . . Not anymore. Content protected by Nôv/el(D)rama.Org.

A real shame.