THE KISS OF REGRET
I opened my eyes and saw that I was at a crossroad again. However, the two dirt roads were very different. Both were roads that served as dirt bridges that led to two similar looking castles. Below was a drop to a dark abyss.
“Calm down, Shyne,” I told myself as I took deep breaths multiple times. I tried to swallow the fear that I felt, and I tried to remind myself that this was all a dream or a vision, or something. Whatever it was, it wasn’t real.
The chill I felt was more intense than the ones I’ve felt before. The scenery I was seeing even felt more real than the previous ones I’ve seen in my nightmares. The left side of the road was wide and inviting, and the right was narrow and looked like it was impossible to cross.
“Ms. Shyne,” I looked up, looked around, and no one was there. I looked behind me, and no one was there either. I looked back at the two roads, and I screamed.
Two men stood on either entrance. They weren’t there before, but I guess I shouldn’t be too shocked. I tried to take about three steps back when I realized that the two men didn’t have a consistent form. They changed the longer I look, and it looks as though they were neither humans nor animals. Their bodies sometimes were humanoid, and at times they were deformed. They were like holograms that changed every time I looked at them.
I realized that the two guards were far from what I’ve dreamt of in the past. Unlike the shadows, these two guards had a golden sheen covering them like a small forcefield. They both had huge white wings, and the robes they wore covered their lower regions. I just hoped they had feet and not tails or hooves like in movies.
“Choose a path,” said the one on the right road, and the left road nodded in my direction.
I debated with myself about what I remembered in the bible, and suddenly, a memory flashed in mind.
“Wait a minute,” I whispered as I looked at both guards, “The bible said in Matthew 7:13-14 that, I should enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”
I was silent, and the two guards nodded as they both began to open their wings as I took slow steps towards the right road. It was narrow, and unlike the road that looked like a two-laned highway, the right road was only about a meter wide. One wrong step and I would fall into the pit of darkness. I swallowed hard as I slowly approached the right path.
As I went in front of the narrow road, and a hand grabbed my ankle. I screamed when he began to pull me to the left lane. I fell to the ground, and I tried to claw at the ground to stop him from pulling me. He must have swooped down quickly to grab me when he realized I had decided to choose the right lane.
The guardian from the right was able to hold my hand and help me up. The guardian of the right lane I chose began to fight off the left guard as I scrambled to my feet and did my best to dash towards the right path.
I looked up as I realized the road became smaller and smaller, so I had to be careful and not make a wrong move. If I fall, I have no guarantee that I’d still wake up. I looked up as I realized that the road seemed as though it would never end. However, I realized a shinny silhouette of a castle was a good distance away from me. I smiled.
I ran to reach the castle using the narrow way. I nearly slipped multiple times, but as I drew closer to the castle, the way got even narrower.
“Do not stop,” I nearly stopped when the voice of the guardian echoed behind me, “I will help you, Shyne De Leon. But you must not stop moving, for this road is but a path. The challenges are those that you will face when you stop. For once you stop moving, I cannot help.”
I have no idea what he meant, but I nodded and took careful steps.
“Shyne, when the enemy tries to distract you, do not lose yourself, do not lose your footing, and stay focused. Remember, they cannot harm you if you do not let them. They can never chase you, only frighten you to stop and go back.”
I nodded again. This time, I understood him. I looked up when I heard a roar in front of me. It was a huge shadow monster. My body trembled in fear, but I still took easy steps forward. He was blocking the way, but I prayed with all my heart that my guardian could take him down.
A light came from behind me, and as much as I wanted to look, I couldn’t afford to look back. I just walked straight ahead as I saw the demon and its growing little army behind him, melt to nothingness. The guardian was right, it tried to block me, but it never got me. I felt more confident.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.
Multiple demons and shadows appeared, but the same thing happened. They all disappeared. As I looked ahead of me, I realized that the road ended, and it was a good three meters across the pit before I could read the gate of the castle.
“I cannot help you,” The guardian said, “this leap of faith depends on you.”
I took a deep breath, backed up a few inches, and I jumped at the last minute. I entered the castle rolling as I grunted in pain at the impact. The moment I reached the door, the man that was pure light helped me up.
I wanted to look at the man, however, I could barely open my eyes, so my eyes were kept closed, because the man was too bright. He held my hand and led me in an unknown direction. When I felt like the light was a bit dimmer and bearable for me, I opened my eyes and looked at the man.
My eyes went wide and a chill ran up my spine as I saw that Rian was the man who was escorting me to a white room. I wanted to pull away, but my body was on autopilot, and all I could do was look at the side features of the pokerface man beside me.
“Come, Shyne, we need to talk,” Rian said as we entered the white room.
As we reached the room, there was a small table and chairs, and the room looked like a garden inside of a mansion. It was breathtaking. I couldn’t help but look at every corner of the room until my eyes landed on a seated Rian in front of the table. I took the seat opposite to him.
“Rian, I’m so sorry,” I felt tears form in my eyes, and I saw that he too was teary eyed, “I was a brat, I was confused, and I gave up on you. I caused you so much pain, and it even caused you your life. I am so sorry.”
I knew I could never turn back time, but I wanted him to know how I felt.
“Shyne, I’m sorry as well for everything. When I took my life, I never thought that the curse wouldn’t just eat you with regret, but it also imprisoned me in my own regrets in life. My hatred and lust took my soul captive and I tried to take your soul as well.”
“Rian, please, break this curse,” I pleaded, and he gave me a regretful smile.
“I am as much of a victim of this curse as you are, Shyne. Even though I have no idea what to do,” my heart sank.
“B-But, th-this is, I mean,” I was panicking, and the room started to go dark. I realized this and tried to stay positive.
“Alright,” I said, I decided to be positive, because I knew in my heart that there is still hope, “This curse can end, I believe it can end. We just need a way to destroy it or undo it,” I said in a slightly hopeful voice. He just gave me a sad smile.
“You’re right, Shyne,” he said as he held my hand on top of the table, “if only we had the same hope when I was still alive,” his words stung.
Rian and I talked about our past and how I regretted whatever happened to the both of us. We both regretted our decisions and actions. In the end, Rian asked for a kiss and I nodded. It was the first time that I willingly let Rian come near me for the first time without force.
I stood in front of Rian, and we held my cheek before softly pulling me in, and Rian kissed my forehead instead of my lips. I smiled up at him as I kissed his cheek. The two of us hugged, and a few seconds later, I felt Rian move away and break the embrace.
“Forgive me, my love, for everything,” he was crying and so was I. He cried for a love that could never be, and I cried for the wasted love that he gave me. I knew I loved him as a human, but never as a lover. I cried at my mistakes that wasted both our time and feelings.
Rian drew near again and hugged me tight. He pulled back and kissed my nose, my cheeks, and I closed my eyes as Rian’s face went closer to mine. His lips lingering a few centimeters away from mine, and I could feel his heat.
I opened my tear filled eyes and saw myself laid on the floor covered by the altar cloth. The pastors and my sister gave me their warm smiles. The vision or dream ended, and I gave them all my warmest smile.
For weeks, I was no longer bothered by the shadows, and there were no longer any dreams or hallucinations from Rian. I was able to meet with Brixton about three weeks later, and I found out that after we talked, it only took him a week to stop courting the girl. The two of us agreed to talk to my father, and for Brixton to formally ask my dad’s permission for us to date and be a couple.
“I can’t believe your dad said I’m your boyfriend now,” Brixton said as we waited in line to watch a movie, “I thought he’d write me a check with a death threat just for me to leave you or something,” he said and I laughed.
Things were going well for me. However, there are times that I would still think of Rian and feel guilty for some reason. The past still lingered at the back of my mind.
“Shyne? What’s wrong?” Emily asked, one of the young people in our church. I was in the church, and she saw me as she went inside.
“Hey, Em,” I greeted her and gave her a hug, “I wanted to see the pastors and ask for something.”
“Ask for what?” I turned and saw that three of the pastors were there.
“Hello, everyone,” I greeted formally, “I want to pray again. To meditate again.”
They looked at me with curious looks. I couldn’t blame them. I wanted to have a vision again. I needed to get this regret off of my chest. It has to end. Now.