my biggest sin
Marco gazed at the small back that now seemed to turn back, wanting to leave him again, but Marco didn’t want that to happen. This time, Marco would do anything to make Letta stay by his side.
“I beg you, don’t go. Don’t leave me,” said Marco, still making Letta silent.
“Let go,” said Letta. It was only that word that was uttered for the first time after their separation for 2 years, making Marco more convinced that Letta really didn’t want him in their lives.
“The doctor said you’re fine. You only have external injuries, and tomorrow I can be discharged from the hospital. You can contact your family or Pedro directly,” Letta said without looking at Marco, making Marco finally release his grip.
“Is your hatred for me so great that you don’t want to look at me, don’t want to ask if I’m okay, don’t ask about my life while you all left me?” Marco said, making Letta fall silent and only clench her fists.
“I’m going to go,” Letta said, about to step forward. But once again, Marco spoke up.
“Apparently, Freya has grown so much,” Marco said again, making Letta fall silent once more.
“I really don’t know what it would be like if something bad happened to her. I haven’t even seen how our daughter has grown all this time,” Marco said, because that was truly how he felt. How he saw Freya from a distance running to cross the road with the dangers ahead.
“Thank you for that,” Letta said, making Marco just smile mockingly to himself.
“What are you thanking me for? It’s my duty because she’s my daughter. No matter how big the danger that would pounce on her, I will be ready to stand in front to protect her. I’m not a man who suddenly appeared in your life, am I?” Marco said again, making Letta finally turn to look at Marco, and for the first time in these 2 years, Marco could clearly see how her face hadn’t changed at all.
“Have you been living well all this time, are you happy?” Marco asked, making Letta fall silent while thinning her lips.
“What do you want coming here?” Letta asked, who had been ignoring all of Marco’s words.
“Should I answer that? I think you already know my purpose for coming here. Apparently, all this time you’ve been hiding so well that it was very difficult for me to find you,” Marco said, making Letta exhale roughly.
“Do you want to destroy my life again with Freya? Isn’t it enough to just let us live freely like this?” Letta said, making Marco fall silent for a moment, seeing how Letta’s expression was now looking at him. Of course, in her eyes, there was a flicker of anger, disappointment, and maybe even some hatred that Letta was now giving him.
“You didn’t even say a word when you left me and took Freya. How I struggled to find you all this time, how I felt like a crazy person ignoring my own life. You really have destroyed my entire life all this time,” Marco said, still feeling how the happiness he had had was shattered because of losing Letta, and also Freya, from his side.
“Then what did you do?” Letta asked again, making Marco fall silent for a moment.
“What did you do before my memory came back? Didn’t you do more than that? You tormented me, you hurt me mercilessly, and you blamed me for the loss of the fetus I was carrying. Then why afterwards did you beg me not to leave? Was that just because of your guilt all this time?” Letta asked, making Marco shake his head.
“No, of course not. That was indeed my biggest sin that I did to you, but I swear what I feel for you is sincerity. At that time, I was truly enveloped by the loss of a baby who should have been between us at the beginning of our marriage, forgetting the love that began to grow in my heart at that time,” Marco said, making Letta laugh, and it sounded like a mocking laughter to Marco.
“Stop all your nonsense. Do you think I’ll believe everything with what you’ve done to me? You even lied to me about everything, suppressed all my memories from returning, because you didn’t want all your wickedness to be exposed, right,” Letta said, making Marco fall silent.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.
“Then this way you punished me for these 2 years, and I can say that your punishment was successful, you’ve made me shattered,” Marco said, gazing into his husband’s eyes.
“Well, that’s good then, and I hope from now on you will continue to feel the torment and punishment. Never show yourself again in front of me and Freya,” Letta said. However, as Letta was about to continue her words, Marco immediately rebuked her.
“What about your feelings for me? Didn’t you also love me? If you punished me, that means you also felt the pain that I have felt all this time, being apart from the person we love, holding back the overwhelming longing that we had to bury. Didn’t you also hurt yourself,” Marco said, making Letta fall silent for a moment before shaking her head.
“You’re wrong. All the love I felt all this time, it all vanished with all the past that you etched into me. For me, my feelings are not important considering how utterly shattered I am without an ounce of mercy from you,” Letta said, making Marco smile as if not believing all of her words.
“You’re lying to yourself, and I know it,” Marco said, making Letta deny it once again.
“You don’t need to believe me or anything. What’s clear is that I don’t want you to be present in my life again, or Freya’s. I have erased everything about you from my memory, just as you tried to erase all of my past,” Letta said, making Marco try to straighten his body with a little difficulty, even wincing slightly as he felt his chest ache from the impact with the hard asphalt, making Letta flinch slightly to get closer, but Letta held him back firmly. Now Marco was sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Don’t come closer, you have to stay where you are,” Letta said, making Marco only smile thinly.
“Why are you worried about all my injuries?” Marco said.
“I just don’t want Freya to feel guilty towards the man who saved her,” Letta said, making Marco fall silent. It indicated that Letta did not mention that he was the biological father of their daughter.
“Where is our daughter?” Marco asked.
“Don’t ask about her, and never show yourself in front of Freya,” Letta reiterated, emphasizing that she really didn’t mention him in her little daughter’s life.
“I have the right to meet our daughter and introduce myself as her father. No matter how much you hate me because I have hurt you, even hurt our own daughter, and you will regret it later, Letta,” Marco said.
“I would regret even more if I introduced a father like you. What if Freya finds out that her father has shattered her mother’s life? Are you willing to endure her hatred again, apart from mine?” Letta asked, leaving Marco speechless. What Letta said did not rule out the possibility of it happening if Freya found out later how cruel he had been to her mother.
“So don’t even try to approach her or tell her that you are her father,” Letta said. After that, Letta turned around and left Marco, making Marco clench his fists. Marco forcibly removed the intravenous drip still attached to his hand, just to chase Letta with the little strength he had left and the pain attacking his head. Marco continued to chase Letta, who was now running as hard as she could to get away from him.
Marco even ignored several shouts from the nurse who tried to stop him, but what Marco wanted now was to regain the life that brought back his happiness. Marco didn’t want to lose Letta for the umpteenth time and let her slip away from his side again. Marco widened his eyes as Letta left the hospital, especially in the pouring rain outside, at night, making Marco want Letta even more. Marco didn’t want to lose Letta and let her go from his side again.
Marco hugged Letta from behind, causing Letta’s steps to stop. Marco held her tightly, as if not wanting Letta to go away from him. “Please don’t go, leave me. I need you and Freya,” Marco said, making Letta fall silent for a moment, feeling Marco’s heart beating rapidly. The large hand that now encircled her body seemed to remind Letta for the last time, because Letta was truly going to let go of the man who still filled her heart. But Letta didn’t want the love she felt to leave a piercing pain in her heart.
“I can’t do it. We’ve ended and there’s nothing left for us to fix. Just consider me like this heavy rain that comes to you, and afterwards it will just disappear, leaving behind a chilling feeling that pierces your body. Consider me like that and never meet me again,” Letta said, ending her words with bitterness for Marco.